My desert

Own picture

Oh, sweet embrace of you, the desert

I see your camels far away,

I watch your storm takes over

The little grass left here and there.

I see you are so empty

And beautiful at the same time,

Your story is so heavy

That it reminds myself of mine.

Oh, sweet embrace of you, the desert

Oh, sweet embrace of you, the devil

I feel you are a home to me,

It’s here my dearest, where I find so much peace in me.

Oh, you crazy sweet lover,

Come make one more time love to me !

I shall be your martyr,

Just don’t deceive on me.

 Oh, sweet embrace of you, the desert,

Oh, sweet embrace, you man of mine,

For you, my kisses I convert

Into small eternal sand…divine!

About I love you!

     -I love you!

    - Love you too!

     It's the phrases that most of us would love to hear in a relationship. What we feel, what we trust, what we desire, we think it comes from the other partner. However, when in love, what we refuse to see it's that these words became something to be said with such an easiness as 1st grade math problems themselves. I'm not trying to vow the past, it had its terrible things too, but on the era of the great writers and painters, where the art was still an art, where you could see the sweat of a painter's forehead thru his painting, love was as well an art. Either described in poems, paintings or songs, saying the word love was something very touching and sensitive, because it was respected.

     Nowdays, I think saying I love you, became as something so easy to say, same as you could say, Can I have a cofee? Double sugar too! I'm not a martire, I'm not a saint, I'm not a scientist and I'm not here to impress. Maybe I don't know yet who I am but I definitely know who I'm not. And I'm not an uncounciouns person, not aware of her interior desires and feelings. When I hear I love you! it makes me tremble, not because I feel overwhelmed, but because I feel like asking: Double sugar too? I don't feel like fainting of  Love you too! Because the hard work of that painter's painting had been transformed into two lines of red on the right and two lines of black on the left, an ugly painting vowed and exposed into one of Paris most fine art galeries. But there is no art, there is no love.

     Many women feel affected by ex relationships, by ex partenrs. Nothing to judge, I'm on of them. It's realy hard to trust people, and when I look for sincerity and trust I look for the eyes of a dog. They somehow confort me. The eyes of a man, they somehow make me tremble...and not of joy. Out of my experinces and my friends experiences, being left and unloved makes you wonder if there is something wrong with you. You start to think it was your fault, if you could have acted differently, if this or that. 

     But in time, you come to realise you don't need someone to judge you, you don't need someone to say if you were good enough or not, you don't need someone to make you feel unworthy if you slept together too early, if you were calling too mucch, if you were reaching too much, if you were desiering too much and at the end of the day, you don't need someone to say I love you! More important, you must get to the point where you can say, I love the person that I am.

     And if we're still at this touching subject, why instead of saying I love you, you start saying I respect you! Don't tell me I love you!, tell me I respect you! 

Early morning

     The rays of the sun penetrated through the empty spaces of the curtain, without any shame. They begun to touch her face, her eyes and then she suddently weakes up. Weaking up dazzed, somehow confused, made her wonder: "Where am I?"...She was begining to understand and came back to reality. She turned her attention to the watch. The time indicated ten minutes to seven. She woke up before the alarm...as usual. It was already a habbit. She had an hesitation in opening her eyes, but she soon realised that sleep will not lure her anymore,so she decided to begin the day.
     She slowly turned her head to her left side. Her beloved was sleeping likea baby. She looked at him for a few seconds and smiled. She always believed that in sleep, all men lose their toughness and become babies. He looked so cute. Then, she slightly rose herself from the bed, took her slippers and headed to the door; everything being done with great finesse in order  not to weake up her beloved treasure.
     Arrived in the kitchen, she got a bit irratated: "What shall I eat this morning?" she wondered. She had moments when she thought it would have been easier if she was one of thouse people that start their morning with a cofee and that's it, without having to go thru all this headache. But how can she drink cofee? She hated cofee since for her it looked like ashes with water. After few hesitations she settled down for a smoothie.
     Meanwhile, she moves to the living room and sits on the couch. Shuffles thru the programs of the TV, hoping to find something to watch for her taste.After a while, she resigned searching and decided that VHM is the one tha will do for her for the morning. A little bit of music, head leaning on the back and vain thoughts. She started to think: "Another day of the job..." She always heated the routine, and sometimes, her job was becoming routine. She decided to clear her thoughts a bit, before powdering her nose. But she kept thinking and kept thinking...at silly things, at serious things. All her questions didn't lead her to an answer. Sometimes she had the impression that she is sinking in a big big water, big as the Universe itself, in which she swims and swims...to nowhere. Where was her exotic island? What spells did they do to her that she couldn't find it?

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
     Finished! Her nose properly powdered, the cheeckbones well definied and sharp eyes, like the egyptian cats. She loved the cats. Sometimes, she believed so hard that in a previous life she must have been a cat. Otherwise, where this love for the cats came from? Their cold and distant style, the way of asking for love only when they want it, the desire of isolation. In a way, it reminded her of men,..
      Ten minutes left until the moment she had to leave the apartament. Her job was waiting for her. She decided to go back to the bedroom, walking with the same finesse she left, only not to weake up her sweetheart with her 12 cm heels. She choose to sit in that particular corner of the room that allowed her to have a clear view of her Adonis. He was sleeping like a baby. Not even until the present did she understand what was the thing that intrigued her about him. What did this man had that driven her crazy? In fact, it has been like this with all her relationships. She have never had fatal men, only interesting spirits. Still, for her it was clear. Something was overwhelming her about this man. It was just she didn't understand what. She was looking at him with motherly love, friendly love, adoration. The young man startled  slightly. He was dreaming...what was he dreaming of? She wanted to know everything. Absolutely everything. And she wanted everything. Absolutely everything.
     The time was passing ...She looked at him for the last time. She thought: "How silly I can be! How much admiration I can have for him!" She feared of the failure. It followed her in the last few years. Somehow, she didn't manage to settle. And she knew it very well. Oh, yes, she knew it! She was absolutely concious that this Adonis will breake her heart. But she didn't care anymore. It was already too late. Who pushed her to fall for this man? Must have been only the devil. Some evil spirits stole her mind.
      Damn! It was time for her to leave.She hesitated for a moment. She looked at him one more time. She adored him, she was certain of this. For her he looked so cute. "How drunk in love women can become!", she tought. And she knew it very well, he will breake her heart, the same way the others did it. Today, tomorrow...sooner or later, but will eventually happen. She got up slowly and headed to the door, turning her head one more time just to see him fot the last time before she went out. Adonis the adored, broken heart...it was the time for her to hurry. Her job wouldnt forgive her or understand about of her Adonis. She closed the door slowly...she left!